I was in the seventh grade when I had my firsts crush.Would I really call it a crush? Hmmm…. maybe not. I guess it was just a mere attempt at fitting in. I wanted to experience what every other girl my age was going through. Now that I think about it, all I can do is laugh and imagine me fawning over a boy who gave me little to no attention. Nothing really came out of it except for me wasting my time over an idiot who was also slightly gross (believe me its true). However, he was after girls who were more popular, prettier and just better than me (or so I thought during that time). I don’t exactly know when but my false attempt at having a crush ended up becoming my real crush which lasted almost all through high school. Maybe it was because I was curious as to why he would never acknowledge my presence. I got so desperate for his attention that I would have fine with being friend zoned!!!! not that’s saying something, but no he acted as though i did not exist. He, without even knowing, brought out all my insecurities . I felt worthless and questioned myself at every step.Also seeing happy couple all around school did not help. I never felt good enough and never imagined myself to get my happy ending. In my head I became the fat girl who will never fall in love or will never be loved by another.
I was finally in my final year of high school and was about to head off to college when I realized what I was doing to myself. I saw how I had labelled myself as fat and declared that I will never be happy. Had I become my own enemy? This revelation did not happen over night but when I saw people around me moving on in their lives while I was still stuck in middle school pinning over a guy who, truth be told, I did not even care that much about. What was the thing that attracted me to him in the first place? I had no idea. If I did not know the reason why I liked him the was he really worth me being sad over him? Was one bad experience really worth me down playing myself? It was time to move on and just come to my own rescue.It was time I embraced my insecurities instead of avoiding them. If I am ugly,fat or unpopular then so be it, if I like someone Im going to go after him and if he says no ,its his loss because I love myself.
So guys, if you are scarred by past experiences when people have pointed out your insecurities and made you feel incapable, incompetent or in short just like shit then don’t worry about it. We all have gone through this and it takes time to move on from these stupid incidents. However, just believe in yourself and believe that there is someone out there who would understand your true potential and love you for your imperfections. So don’t be sad or bothered by these little set back, just love yourself and move on.
Ps. This is not a reference to Justin Bieber’s song although I do feel like its his best work as of yet.
Love, love and lots of Love